Opinion: “I Just Had a Change of Heart”

Heart is a fickle little thing. One moment it’s all in, next moment it’s all out. They say that “all is fair in love and war” and sometimes it seems like our heart is mercilessly waging a war on our mind and vice versa. It is a true struggle, a constant push and pull. Heart wants what it wants and our judgment is clouded, because we are so in love with an idea. But imagine a scenario where you are really into someone that you got your rose-colored glasses on, everything is just perfect, for the first time in your life you got it right and then SNAP! Something happens and you just had a very sad realization about the person that you have so idolized before. You’re not feeling it anymore. Maybe this person is not who you want? You just had a change of heart. It happened to all of us at some point. I asked a few of my lovely girlfriends for their opinions on this matter and here’s what they had to say.

1. When it comes to romantic relationships, why do we all of a sudden have a change of heart, when we seem to be so blinded by love? Why do we fall OUT of love as easy and fast as we fall IN love?

Bella P.: “I don’t think that it is easy to fall out of love. I feel that when you are in love, you close your eyes to your lover’s wrongdoings. I feel that you often justify him or her. Often times you see all the negative things about the person but still love him or her. However eventually you reach the point of no return and just walk away from that person especially if he or she was not treating you well. However, I still feel that walking away does not necessary mean falling out of love. If it was indeed love…”

Jessica K.: “When I fell out of love it was a long process. A lot of things happened that led me to feel hurt and I realized that I didn’t want to put my feelings on the line and be with someone that didn’t match what I want from a partner. I also never truly felt that I could trust this person so that was another addition to my decision. I think that it was a longer process of falling out of love than the immediate falling in love.”

Yeliz A.: “So this is a question that I’ve been asking myself for years and have come to somewhat of a conclusion. However there’s still more to learn being that I’m very young. Sometimes the reality is that while you think you may be with “the one” there could be another person who is meant for you that you’ll meet later on in life. One of the hardest things anyone could do is tell their significant other that they are no longer in love with them or even worse – in love with someone else. So no, it’s not easy. But if you really cared for them, then you would leave the relationship not only for yourself but for them as well. I think being in a marriage or really long-lasting relationship is much harder today than it ever was, and there’s constant temptation surrounding both genders (“Eyes Wide Shut” is a great example of this), however if you are 100% devoted to another human being I have no regrets that staying in love with someone will just come naturally to you. Being in love should be euphoric and heavenly, which might sound too idealistic, but I believe it’s achievable given the time, patience, and proper understanding of one’s self.”

Elisa T.: “Love is a very magical thing and unlike anything else. When we see it and feel it with another person, we grab onto it. I think that’s why we seem blinded by it. We might not realize how certain relationships can be dangerous or actually not suitable for us in that moment where we fall in love. I actually believe that if you fall hard for someone – if you really love someone – it’s even more difficult to fall OUT of love with them than it is to fall IN love with them. People always say that when you break up with someone, it’s good to feel emotions of anger, because it helps you heal faster. It gives you a reason to
nnbelieve that it was right for you to break up with that person.”

2. When did it happen to you and what the person did that made you see him/her in a new light?

Bella P.: “In my relationship with my ex-boyfriend – I was so in love that I closed my eyes to a lot of things and forgiven him often when I should not have. However, finally I reached the point when I truly realized that he was not the right person for me. I realized that people do not change and usually everything repeats itself. Some things you just can’t live with.”

Jessica K.: “I felt that I could never trust him. I felt let down all of the time. I wondered if I needed to change my expectations of him or if I needed to leave him. Finally I just felt nothing but hurt and realized that being alone was less stressful and it allowed for opportunities for me to spend time finding someone that could meet my ideals.”

Yeliz A.: “I’ve actually never been in love to say, however I know what it’s like to experience heartache because of what a loved one has done to me/others around me, and one thing that stands out above the rest is – they lose sight of themselves and do something to harm those they care about. That is a major red flag and not something that should be overlooked.”

Elisa T.: “I was only ever in love with one person (my current boyfriend), which I know is rare for most people, but I have faced this before with big crushes of mine. I either went on dates with people, or started talking to people who I really liked. I enjoyed my time with them and loved the attention. We naturally gravitate towards that because it’s all positive. But when I realized that those people did not treat me with the same respect or had other ideas in mind, I felt ashamed and lost. As if I couldn’t believe that the person I felt so strongly about and saw in a certain light turned out to be the complete opposite. It was as if I was fooled. Most of the time in my case, before my boyfriend, I would talk to/pursue people who seemed so intriguing and my “type” only to realize that I was just another girl to them. I was just a person to hook up with. That hurt a lot.”

3. How do you “let them down gently?” How do you break things off as nicely as possible?

Bella P.: “I don’t think that you have to be gentle if the other person is not treating you right. You have to be strong to walk away. But gentle – maybe to yourself.”

Jessica K.: “Honesty is so important. It is important to be straight to the point, but if you have had a long-term relationship then it can be so difficult to really end things. Be honest and share your feelings then maybe you both can decide to work things out or end them. Be true to yourself before the other person. There is no point committing to someone that you are not happy with.”

Yeliz A.: “Depending on how long you’ve been seeing someone, the “breaking things off” process can be quite simple if you’re completely content and honest with one another, knowing that it’s in each other’s best interests. But from what I’ve seen with married or long-lasting couples, the breaking up is obviously much more complicated. It’s so easy to fall into a level of comfort that’s unhealthy and think – “well, this is the rest of my life” or you can come to some sort of a painful understanding that in order for us to be happier and healthier we have to either drastically change the way we go about being together, or we call it off now before things get more disastrous. It all honestly depends on the individuals involved.”

Elisa T.: “If I was ever in the situation where I felt so strongly about someone, but realized something that made me want to break things off with them, I would try to be honest. No matter what the situation was. I would have to be honest to spare my feelings and the feelings of the person I was

nwith. This way we wouldn’t both continue living a lie, since the connection wasn’t actually there. You only put yourself and the person through more pain when you continue to pull yourselves through the process.”

What are your thoughts on this? Let me know in the comments below!